A Practical and Biblical Understanding Of Dating And Courtship (PT 1)

There is a great deal of Godly responsibility when it comes to dating and courtship.

Courtship and dating are some of the least discussed topics in the church. Yet dating has caused the most havoc, destroyed countless lives, resulted in unwanted pregnancies and abortions, and even split churches apart.

Since most of the church doesn't teach on this subject, a vacuum exists resulting in our teenagers adopting the worldview of popular culture. This has led many church youth groups to become havens for dating and premarital sex.

I am attempting to give some biblical clarity on this all-important subject for the sake of our local churches and for the sanctity and safety of the next generation who will soon have their own families. The following are guidelines that best fit young people (I Believe) but many of the principles still apply to older and more mature single adults looking for a mate.

Dating

I have taught in each of my seminar the difference between dating and courtship.

 What is Dating? 

     Dating is an unbiblical method crafted by the world with no boundaries or ethics with the following assumed rules and values:

>    Two people can mutually claim to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" if they are physically attracted to one another and (this is the litmus test) have a crush and claim each other for themselves in a special relationship.

>    There are no boundaries or ethics in this type of relationship. Thus, what initially starts off as French kissing quickly accelerates to petting, fondling, and then full-blown sexual intimacy.

>   Although they are committed to one another as "boyfriend and girlfriend" they most often end their relationship after several months when one "feels a crush" for someone else. Thus, the relationship ends with at least one of the individuals feeling devastated and wounded especially because of soul ties that were created from sexual intimacy.

Although the above three points are generalizations, they are true depictions of most cases regarding dating; its devastating results on the human soul cannot be fully measured! Even worse, the double-mindedness that results from numerous sexual encounters with various people carries into future relationships and even marriage. This is because of unhealthy soul ties that have been developed, increasing the chances one's marriage will end in adultery and divorce, which drags down children and creates generational curses due to family fragmentation.

It is amazing that most churches and youth groups do not speak about this in their discipleship processes! I Think Every pastor should have church guidelines that include boundaries for how their youth groups should be conducted. Every youth pastor should be trained on the difference between the worldly concept of dating and the biblical concept of courtship.

Dating is revolutionized if the following guidelines are followed:

1.  Dating should only take place in the context of having an accompanying chaperon with young couples. Or, only group dating should be encouraged. Groups can go to a movie or have an outing, or go for dinner so that two people can sit together and get to know one another in the safety of other trusted believers.

2.  Dating should not be encouraged for anyone under a certain age. I would say at least 18 although others would say 16.

3.   Dating should not involve any physical contact. Even something as harmless as a hug can lead to petting, which will then lead to a sexual encounter.

4.   Youth groups should be taught that believers should not to commit themselves to anyone God hasn't clearly indicated will eventually be their spouse. This is the only way to avoid soul ties through sexual intimacy. Also, parents, pastors, or trusted mature people should all be part of the process of discerning the will of God to counter the blindness that comes when feeling in love.

5.   Youth should be taught to have greater criteria beyond physically attraction. They should be taught what to look for in a lifelong partner: someone who has God-given aspirations with their career, an education, the right concepts of family and God, the ability to handle money well, connected to a local church, etc.

6.  People should be taught to back off and not run to a person to whom they are attracted. This is to give themselves enough time to pray, seek counsel, and hear from God about the other person before they fall hopelessly in love and reach the point where their heart has already made a choice to be with the other person–whether it be the will of God or not!

7.   Youth should make chastity vows before they enter high school. With these vows they should pledge to their parents before God they will not give their bodies over unless they are married to the other person.

To Be Continued....

#GabrielOnyema